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The real question you have to ask yourself is, what if she does go away?
What if she was never there?
A figment of your imagination?

I think I dreamed about you on a winter morning
A hundred years ago, when I was younger,
Of a girl who was dreaming of me simultaneously.

I think I heard your voice whisper to me in the dark much later on,
When I was alone and desolate in that far-off cell.

I think many nights you wiped my tears away
When I begged for relief from myriad wounds.

I know you were always the other half of me.

It’s nice to finally meet you.

Please don’t go away.

Today was overall a rotten day with people I don’t really like. Some people are cool, some not so much. And I have never felt so generally disrespected as I have today. And helpless too. Like I am stuck with no way out.

I have no one to tell who will listen so I tell you.

So on my birthday eve, I polished off the last of the Tennessee Honey (left from my last chili cooking). Abuzz with a buzz, I am watching a twisty movie. I wish I were not watching alone. But I am.

In love with the love I cannot have, I simply sit and watch by the wayside. Perhaps it’s best this way. But it surely don’t feel so.

I love you. I wish you’d find me. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.

Sometimes I have to be reminded…. Oh, and the next book is tentatively titled “Adventures in Ordinary Time.”

Subconscious romantic
In a world of subtle lines,
Sees the sturm und drang
Underneath ordinary time.

Powerful forces array
In his workaday.
It’s not all about him
But he doesn’t feel that way.

And love, ol’ love
is his singing song.
He needs it to color
His whole day long.
And when it fails
To live up to his dreams,
In mighty thunder he wails.
“Nothing is as it seems!”

“If you end up spending too much time in hyperspace, to the point where you’re hearing the music in the sub-etha without a receiver, you get me? That’s spacer jazz. They say some of those musicians play that music, they were spacers that got caught out too long.”

I hear my voice
Ringing in my head.
I have no one else to talk to,
No one else will listen.

Your god is not real. None of them are. They are figments of your imaginations put there by your parents and by your own fear and wishful thinking.

If this fantasy of yours brings you comfort, good for you. But do not belittle those who do not believe as you do. Some of us see such beliefs as poisonous to life and the source of nothing but pain and suffering throughout history.

People with beliefs like yours have been responsible for the deaths of millions and the continued suffering of millions more. Your blind faith and apparent inability to reason and question has made you susceptible to perhaps the biggest con job in human history: That there is anything beyond this world. Beyond now.

Peace to you, and the hope that you will one day see reason.

A few weeks back, I saw a link on the wonderful Pharyngula site about an outfit called Good News Magazine. Apparently they are advertisers on the equally wonderful ScienceBlogs.com, which is good only if they pay their bills promptly.

So I ordered a copy of the free booklet they offered, Creation or Evolution, and it just arrived today. And it’s been no disappointment thus far. It begins with how the Bible was once “commonly accepted as true and as a reliable account of our origins.” Whatever. Not really so, but whatever. It follows with a lengthy quote from Wernher von Braun about his views on the origin of the universe. Basically he’s there because he believes “one cannot be exposed to the law and order of the universe without concluding that there must be design and purpose behind it all.” He’s introduced as one “who has been called the father of the American space program.” Which immediately qualifies him as having a viewpoint in this discussion, apparently. We leave out the other less savory aspects of his curriculum vitae (look him up, please, if you don’t know who he is. I’ll wait.) and go straight to the end of this generous quote: “What strange rationale makes some physicists accept the inconceivable electron as real while refusing to accept the reality of a Designer on the ground that they cannot conceive of Him?”

Static electricity when you pull on a wool sweater would be my first guess.

Even better than that is the picture of the cute little baby nestled beside the von Braun quote. Below this little darling playing with his/her feet like a blue-eyed monkey is a fascinating quote, “If we are the pinnacle of the evolutionary process, why is a human infant so helpless, and for so long, compared to the newborn of other species?” Well, who said we were the pinnacle of the evolutionary process? Science sure doesn’t. Nor does a cursory examination of human anatomy, really. Humans are admittedly complex, but hardly the pinnacle of evolution.

Aaah. Anyway, we get to another cute section, “Human reproduction argues against evolution.” It starts, “Curiously enough, our existence as human beings is one of the best arguments against it [evolution]. According to evolutionary theory, the traits that offer the best advantage for survival are passed from generation to generation. Yet human reproduction itself argues powerfully against this fundamental premise of evolution.

“If human beings are the pinnacle of the evolutionary process [there it is again!] how is it that we have the disadvantage of requiring a member of the opposite sex to reproduce, when lower forms of life–such as bacteria, viruses and protozoa–are sexless and far more prolific? If they can reproduce by far simpler methods, why can’t we? If evolution is true, what went wrong?”

Oh that’s too funny, that last sentence. Again, they proceed from a false assumption. Well, several. One, there is the assumption that humans are the pinnacle of evolution. As above, a cursory examination of our anatomy is a good place to start. We’re not the pinnacle of evolution. There’s no ladder up from lowest to highest. We’re complex, and like most all complex forms of life, we have sexual reproduction. It’s a much quicker way to create diversity in an environment, and thus perpetuate the species and the evolutionary process.

It goes on to blame evolution (of course) for all the ills of the world, and how “court decisions have interpreted constitutional guarantees of freedom of religion as freedom from religion–effectively banning public expression of religious beliefs and denying the country’s rich religious heritage.” (their emphasis, by the way…) Now here, of course, you can talk about how the courts have kept creation out of science class, or tried to keep religious symbols out of public places (with unfortunately varying success. I submit, by the way, that what these people are talking about is not just those fights, but something a little more subtle. Hate speech.

They talk about the notion that “the world languishes in the sorrow and suffering that results from rejecting absolute moral standards.” Absolute anything is never a good thing. It’s that all-or-nothing thinking that twelve-step programs describe as unhealthy. “We might as well seek only our personal gain regardless of the cost to others–acting exactly as evolutionary theory suggests.” Does it really suggest that? Or, more accurately, does it describe how you would act without such rules? If so, let me know so I can keep kids and old ladies from coming near you.

There’s other stuff, all wonderful. A gold mine of lunacy dressed in serious clothing. It would perhaps be convincing to someone who never spent a day in the classroom. Or out in nature.

I just wanted to pass this on in any case. I’ll do more, but I wait for the view of others who will gaze upon this goofy thing and pass on their viewpoints. A lot of what I’ve seen so far is disproven elsewhere, or betrays a tremendous lack of understanding of science, natural selection and evolution.

So I had some time off today, and I figured I’d go get my eyes checked. My vision has been getting blurry a bit in the last twenty years. My left eye was always a bit blurry at a distance, and my right eye has compensated.

At work however, I find I can’t make out fine detail at a distance like I should. Also, I can’t read things written on the whiteboard from, say, fifteen feet back like I used to. Doesn’t help when the jerk writing on the board uses red and writes small. You know who you are, sir!

Anyway, I can’t read road signs either like I used to, and that concerns me more than anything else. All these years I tried to compensate, but I cannot do so anymore. I really need to get this looked at.

So, I went to the eye place here at the mall. Free wireless here, so I’m writing. While I waited to talk to someone, I looked over the glasses selection. I found styles I liked, as well as the Michael Caine-looking glasses that are just ridiculous. Fuck!

What hit me were two things. One, I look more and more like my dad, especially with glasses on. And he looks like a little Dutch shopkeeper. At least he did when last I saw him. I put on some of the samples, and Jesus there he was staring back at me, only balder and rounder in the phiz.

Two, I look old! Oh god, there’s no way around it, is there? I shave my head because, well, it’s really easy and my head looks fine without the hair, but also, a leetle bit, because I am not reminded of age. Oh I can ignore the wrinkles ’round the eyes and the white in the vandyke and that I have a pelican neck, but the fucking glasses! Christ! I stopped really thinking about it at thirty, excpet I look better than I did when I was thirty. But the fucking glasses! Oy!

Oh I know it’s inevitable and to everything there’s a season (Ecclesiastes is one of the two books of the Bible I actually liked. That and Mark), but fuck you and fuck that. I think I was looking for something that gives character. All these frames did just that. Only I didn’t like the character they suggested.

I’m considering contacts, but the optical at work doesn’t cover them and I want to use that while I can. Soooo, its frames.

I am almost forty-one years old. I have never worn corrective lenses in my life. I’ve needed to, technically, for the last twenty years I think, but I’ve made it work. Looking up from the keyboard, I see the XXI of the Forever twenty-one store, the latest extension of our fetish with youth (another tangent to hit when the spirit comes to me, I’ll have to remember). I can make out the big XXI some forty feet away, and it’s not blurry but it’s not clear either.

Fuck.

Well, tomorrow is the appointment for the eye exam We’ll see what happens.

Mee @ Kinko's.

Mee @ Kinko's.

It’s 6:15 right now on Wednesday morning and I am sitting in Kinko’s after printing out my tickets for the flight. There ya go. Boom. One sentence. Magic.

I couldn’t sleep, so I got up and got ready annnnd now it’s FOUR HOURS before the flight and I am chilling in an uncomfortable chair in Kinko’s on Craycroft.

Fuck.

So I’m going to say this now, in case the Buddy Holly puddle-jumper I’m taking to Houston augurs in. I love you all. Some with great intensity, some in secret, but all in the best ways I knew how.

My mind conjures things to torture the rest of me with, and since I am flying today, guess what the torment du jour is? Uh huh.

Dwelling on infinite insubtantials, that’s what this is. Smoke pondering other smoke.

**UPDATE: 7:41 AM. The TSA was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Friendly guys. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m HOURS early, so am really mellow.  Anyway, I took a pic of the laptop kiosk here Nice plastic copper-colored countertop. It’s Arizona, so copper is big.

The laptop kiosk at Tucson International Airport.

The laptop kiosk at Tucson International Airport.

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