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Hello. I’m John Grow and you’re not.

(I really couldn’t resist. Too tired)

I’m up here on the northwest side of town, officially unemployed. I quit Captaris effective yesterday morning. Gave notice, worked all the way to the end, and surprisingly am relieved to be out of there. Which is weird–almost two years spent there, you’d think I’d feel sad. Not so much.

I am ready for a change. Not the change that is constantly in motion, I mean a conscious alteration in the patterns toward which I tend. That is my homework for this open period.

Some changes may not be pleasant. Some, like paying attention to the ever-changing NOW, will be difficult to manage. I mean, when you spend your days in your head, it’s hard to stay on that balance beam called NOW. But I’ve always known it was the way. While compiling my next book (yes there will be another), I found some old writings of mine all admonishing the reader directly or indirectly to stay in the NOW. Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now was one of those books that really resonated with me, not the least of which because I’d already explored that territory through Buddhism and the Tao Te Ching.

The ideas are ancient. The problem is as old as human awareness. The distractions are more enormous and seductive. Not just drugs, power, pussy and killing like in ancient times. More like variations on old themes.

It’s not the first time I wanted to turn everything on its ear, of course. It’s why I am in Tucson. It’s why I worked for Captaris.

I may have an opportunity to really do something new and different. That is, beyond the shaking out of the rut I gave myself for my birthday. See, this stems, really, from events surrounding my birthday. At that time, I thought everything I treasured–house, job, girlfriend–was gone. I thought I’d really messed up. In one sense, perhaps I did. In another, I smashed my fist on the tabletop and let the game pieces shake around.

My own stupid game of solitaire.

I wanted to take some pictures of the foothills at sunrise. I got up here too early. Sooo, I’m catching up on downloads I wanted to get, and wrote a poem.

Nope, I ain’t putting it here. Somebody besides me has to buy my blasted books.

I love you all.

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