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So before, I mentioned the quandary I was in. Well, here ’tis…

A lovely lady and wonderful artist named Patrice has selected me for the Premia Dardos. Here is the lowdown on this award…

The Dardos Award is given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing. These stamps were created with the intention of promoting fraternization between bloggers, a way of showing affection and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web.

The rules:
1) Accept the award by posting it on your blog along with the name of the person that has granted the award and a link to his/her blog. [Note: Don’t forget to copy and paste the award jpeg itself to include on your own blog!]
2) Pass the award to another five blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment, remembering to contact each of them to let them know they have been selected for this award.

Hmph.

Now as is typical of me, I am teeth-grittingly self-deprecating about any compliment. This is because secretly I am also such a slut for recognition and external validation that no possible amount of sincere acknowledgement could satisfy me. Paradoxically, this is because I hate myself that much, and yet possess such a ridiculous ego nothing I do is good enough for me.

Hah! How’s that for truth?

Actually, when I found out that Patrice was actually reading this fool blog of mine, I was taken aback. Seriously, when I started this it was partly because Pete Townshend maintained a blog here (he doesn’t anymore). I dropped a few entries in here, then started working it in earnest when I finally published Turboblues. This was also when I had a lighter, more powerful computer I didn’t have to tear apart to maintain.

But I didn’t think anyone would actually read it. Really, I didn’t. But she did. And does. So too do a few others.

I love you all. Seriously, simply.

Anyway, she sent me the e-mail about Premia Dardos on Wednesday and was actually stunned by it, and by her words about my writing. Of course, I was also saying, “YES!! Put that in your pipe naysayers!”

Like I actually have sayers, yay or nay. As I said in the last blog entry (scroll down for it), This is just something I do. I am trying to be honest about what’s going on in my life and what goes on in my head and heart.

I never considered myself an artist–really I still don’t. I’ve met people for whom the title is probably more appropriate, and whose works feel much more deliberate than my own. Patrice is one of those people. I can tell this by the work she posts and the words she writes. My oldest friend Marcy is also one of these people. Hers is a formidable talent that took time to find its voice, and it’s a voice well-matched to the depth she possesses. See her Embrasures blog and you will understand quickly what I’ve known for almost 25 years.

If Patrice hadn’t already nominated her, Marcy would have been my first choice right out of the box. I think she knows that too. Sorry to be obvious Marcy, but this is sincere.

Which leads me to my quandary (finally, right? Up yours, this is my blog). Rule one is a simple one to follow. I gratefully accept this compliment that Patrice has graced upon me. Humbly. She did not have to at all, and yet she did. Thank you Patrice. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Rule two, however, is gonna be a bitch. Other than this here blog, I haven’t read much of the blogosphere. A few here and there, but not much. And out of respect to Patrice, and you the reader, and the rest of the blogs and journals out there I need to be straight on that.

So what I will do is this: I will pick the five blogs that I believe would deserve this recognition, and I will tell you about them as I find them. Each one will get an entry here. It’s going to take some time, but this will be something of a discovery for me, and I want to share that with you.

So, more later.

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3 Comments

  1. I must first quote you:

    “This is because secretly I am also such a slut for recognition and external validation that no possible amount of sincere acknowledgment could satisfy me. Paradoxically, this is because I hate myself that much, and yet possess such a ridiculous ego nothing I do is good enough for me.”

    … because I would have said the same thing/s about myself (not as eloquently – as I’d not have thought of using: “paradoxically”, nor would I have used the word: “slut” as I leave that to others. (heh).

    Okay – on to the actual comment. This post is a prize in itself, aptly conveying your sense of honesty, graciousness and creative independence. I use the word creative, because you, sir, sussed out that there are no time limits on choosing those five bloggers (you rebel, you)… So look around… do some readin’. I can’t wait to see who and what you choose.

  2. I’m going to bend comment etiquette a bit and add this second comment:

    I once worked with a gentleman (executive director of a large granting program) who bent over backwards to be respectful and considerate even to those who were most undeserving. I was younger then, and harder, and railed at him one day: “Why? Why are you so nice to such awful people?”

    He sat quietly looking away, and after a minute or so he turned to me, and said: “Because I am afraid that what I truly am is ruthless.”

    Dual character? Certainly. But the important thing is not puzzle within us, but the pieces we choose to make us who we become. It’s the ones who are certain of their goodness and unctuous morality who are not to be trusted.

    Blogging offers us the opportunity to offer up our true selves to the world. And if we are lucky, to find a connection with a few like-minded folks. Your writing epitomizes what this award is about. It’s not for the prettiest, funkiest or most “state of the art.”

    It’s for writing that improves this place. ’nuff said…

  3. “Sorry to be obvious Marcy, but this is sincere.”

    Oh sure, shower me with compliments and then apologize for something. You must be the perfect man.

    (And indeed, you would have been first on my list as well had Patrice not snapped you up.)


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