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Monthly Archives: October 2013

This is an oldie. I don’t quite remember how old. I think my parents were still married. So a while ago. Well over 25 years ago maybe. I think maybe I’d read the Jefferson Bible and tried to clue in on what Thomas Jefferson was going after. He was born a half-century too early.

I found this paper on the floor, well away from the small pile in the nearby bookshelf. Old lined notepaper. I had this out for a reason. Probably to post it right here. Dunno.

The sentiments are pleasant, earnest, if naive. The boy had no idea what road he was on. Here you go. XOXO.

Humans themselves are not perfect.
Expectations are far too high.
They hunger and starve for divinity,
A light to show them the way.

There once was a time
When I needed you
More than I needed breath.
When your words to me
Were a soliloquy
Of compassion, grace and humility.

I worshiped you as a god.
One day was yours without question.
Benevolent father at my shoulder,
You were first and last in my mind.

But now I see the facade,
The smoke, mirrors and trickery
A swindle performed on humanity
In the guise of the holy trinity.

Jesus, you had no clue
Of the sins they committed for you,
Between black-velvet benevolence
And white-supremacist belligerence.

Jesus, you had no say
In the church they made in your name.
Icons of words and colors
And tortures beyond comprehension.

You preached tolerance and love,
They made it prejudice and guilt.
Separate the myth from the man,
One day you’ll understand.

If I had the balls, could I really end it all? If so, this would be the last note.

(Oh don’t worry. I’m too chicken, and it’s not time yet.
Besides, sez he, I love you too much.)

 

Bumble and stumble from passion to passion–
This is the wend of your life, you’d see–
if you had the guts to turn around
and look at what you wrought.

Aimless quest to get through the day–
Inchoate pleasure to cool disdain–
Whatever kept you whole
and got you yours, whatever you wanted.

Love’s lamented refrain
Another thinly veiled stab
At self-satisfaction,
No matter what you said or say.
Her eyes once alight with you
Now just more broken bottles
In a foreclosed room.

You dragged her down with crocodile tears,
Held yourself back with artificial fears.

What does it matter?
You knew it would come
To this room,
To this wall,
To your hunkered shadow
Swimming in self pity.

This is where it will end.
You will be old and alone
And unregarded.
Mother’s desperate wishes,
Father’s Family yearnings,
Naught and naught, naughty one.

Your blind and mute improvised solo
Flat and minor and over not soon enough.